It seems to be harder and harder these days to have a substantive conversation with someone about a third-party topic. It’s easy to discuss our vacation plans, or a funny thing that happened on the drive to work, but bring up Kim Jong Nam’s assassination* and I get a blank face.
Sigh. Maybe it’s my demo. [Insert complaint about a Henry Kissinger soul in a lady millennial body here.]
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a set of conversation Avengers you could summon at will? I’m thinking you’d need at least six:
The Politics Person: Knows the ins and outs of governance. Prior education and experience in public policy preferred. Lobbyists need not apply. Ideal candidate: A scandal-free version of Anthony Weiner.
The Business Person: Capitalist for life, but can reasonably defend the belief. Follows the markets with a keen eye to give the rest of us stock tips. Those with degrees in actual business fields will be selected over those in marketing. Ideal candidate: Steven Levitt.
The Sports Person: Needed only on a part-time basis, specifically during the Super Bowl, Olympics, Triple Crown, tennis and golf majors, and World Cup. Know your stats, know who’s hot, and come with a list of ridiculous prop bets for us to laugh about. Ideal candidate: David Jacoby.
The Entertainment Person: Conversant in both Old and New Media. Will need to create Top Five lists of books, movies, TV shows, albums, and podcasts at the end of each year for the groups’ holiday gift shopping purposes. Should have seen Hamilton at least once. Ideal candidate: N/A – I’m taking this slot.
The Science Person: This position is reserved for Neil DeGrasse Tyson, now and forever.
The History Person: Gives all our discussions CONTEXT. Are the Kardashians the Borgias or our time? Would the Super Bowl be better if competitors were naked, as in the early Olympics? Politics may be crazy now, but what of that Teapot Dome Scandal?! And so on. Ideal candidate: Dr. Lucy Worsley.
So there you have it: my ideal dinner party. I also want to work Ezra Klein in somehow as our Wunderkind Emeritus. Who else did I miss?