July 11, 2011

July 11, 2011

Better Off TEG

While riding the elevator at federal-agency-that-shall-soon-be-named*, I recently saw a fellow employee I know only as The Eyepatch Guy. I’ve only seen him a few times, and each sighting raises more questions than it answers.

TEG’s eyepatch is the only thing I know about him. No idea what his name is, what he does, or where he’s from. I’ve thought about making small talk and Nancy Drewing the details out of him. But unlike hair extensions or botox, you really can’t play down an eyepatch. If I mistakenly ask about someone’s new haircut and it turns out they haven’t had one, I just say they must be eating right or some such. You mean you didn’t get a chin lift? I guess you’ve been getting plenty of rest, because you look *luminous*!

(I might have some future in politics.)

However, when it comes to casually referencing AN EYEPATCH, I’m at a loss. The only environments where the eyepatch naturally occurs are 18th-century pirate ships and Majesty Music (inside joke for the fundy folks). So I’m at a loss to slip in a question working in the pirateless, secular workplace that I do.

I’ve seen TEG a few times over the past couple of months, always with the patch. To be fair, I could’ve seen him before the patch era (B.P.E.) and had no idea. Did he have surgery? Is he getting a bionic eye? Did he lose a bet?

Burning questions all. No idea how to get answers.

(I have absolutely no future in journalism.)

To my eyepatch-wearing readers: How might someone inobtrusively find out about your eyepatch? Pretend said inquisitor had glasses and a blog. Discuss.

* Say WHAT?! That’s right, my babies. Prepare for the big reveal, including video evidence, on August 1, 2011.

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