July 12, 2011

July 12, 2011

Blue Genes

Cheapskate that I am, I subscribe to several websites and RSS feeds of sample offers, trial sizes, and the like. My mail is filled with teeny boxes of cereal, single dryer sheets, and magazines that I have scored for free. My postman thinks I’m really savvy, I bet. Or insane. Same dif.

Occasionally, as happened yesterday, I’ll get notification of a really freaky freebie. In this case, a free poster of the human genome, with genetic disorders clearly marked.

To my fellow hypochondriacs: DO NOT CLICK. Because examining the many ways in which your cells can turn against you will suck up your entire afternoon.

I mean, take a look at the X chromosome:

By the hammer of Thor, that’s a lot of disorders! You may tell me that most genetic issues, if they are going to occur, would already have presented via an extra limb, colorblindness, or a superpower. I mean, “occipital horn syndrome,” really?

This poster, along with X-Men: First Class, have me convinced that we really are all freaks of nature. A pre-Professor X Charles Xavier at one point during that film mentions that brown hair is a mutation. First off: suck it, blondes. But more importantly, how many other of my gazillionteen molecules are abnormal? And yours?

I can think of nothing less appealing than having reminders of the many ways in which my body could turn against me that do not involve developing telekinesis or the ability to fly, so I’m going to pass on the poster. If you do get it, I assume it will be in order to bring the Marvel universe to life. The Nobel has your name on it, my friend.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: