August 12, 2011

August 12, 2011

Coders are people too?

So new job finds me in a very different environment from that to which I am accustomed. Namely, I am surrounded by the type of people one (I) might deem “computery.”

(Since Word just tried to autocorrect that to “computer,” I may in fact be the only one who would use that term.)

This, my friends, is a very different type of animal. And while I majored in business (both degrees, oh yeah), I’m finding that knowledge of marketing and accounting is relatively unimpressive to people who can speak to machines.

Thus I have spent the past weeks in Dian Fossey mode, attempting to discern the natural habits and habitat of Computerus Programmerus and to determine how I might blend in.

Lighting. Do not let there be light. Overhead lighting must be turned off at all times. If your eyes have not sufficiently adapted to allow for night vision, you may turn on a small (<6w) light as long as the bulb is shrouded in an old Dilbert comic.

Sound. Silence is ideal. Only the humans communicate with primitive sounds. True programmers know that the code will set you free. Or,

IF format=speaking;
set type=human
end;
ELSE
set type=Coder;
run;

…and your response to the above lines of pseudocode probably tells you a lot about where you fall on the human-to-programmer spectrum.

Diet. These people do not eat. While I never miss my mid-morning yogurt or noontime protein/starch/vegetable/sweet combo, the true programmer can go for days on nothing but coffee.

Suffice to say I am still adjusting. My music is turned down so quietly I can barely hear it. I’m embarrassed that I can’t see in the dark. I’ve started to shame-eat my lunch behind a closed office door.

But I’ll be darned if I won’t find a way to win them over. (I’m betting free food isn’t going to do it. Maybe Dilbert books.)

2 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke:

Friend-of-blog Patricia will notice that I missed a semicolon. Totally by accident. I am definitely a work-in-progress.

You also should most likely swap "end" and "run" (or just get rid of "run").

In most languages if you try to fully close an IF block (such as with an 'end') and then follow that with an ELSE, you'll get compilation/syntax errors.

Always here to help. :)