October 31, 2011

October 31, 2011

Is there a third option?

Hey, look, it's time for trick or treat. What will you be doing tonight? Handing out full-size candy bars? Passing out raisins and pennies? Religiously abstaining from heathen revelry?

Good for you.

I’ll be watching tv quietly and avoiding anyone who knocks on my door. It’s not because I dislike people or sharing my food*. It’s because I have nothing good to share. Seriously. A quick inventory of my foodstuffs reveals the following “treats”:

1. Sugar-free hot chocolate packets: approximately 50.
2. Applesauce cups: 4.
3. Twinkies: 2.
4. 100-calorie guacamole packets: 5.
5. Mint Chap-Stick: 23.
6. Diet Coke cans: 15.

Of those, only the twinkies could reasonably be called treats, right? I only have them because they’re leftover from the mummy cakes I made for TheBoy’s Halloween party.

But if I give those out, I can satisfy all of two kids. Not acceptable. I imagine the rest of the children would form a horde and egg my apartment door.

So I have chosen to binge eat the twinkies myself and pretend to not be home. Win-win!

*Though I totally do.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: