December 19, 2011

December 19, 2011

Quick Hits

My winter coat is filled with down. Down is great at keeping you warm, which is the main thing I look for in a winter coat. Down is also great at pushing through the outer layer of my jacket and sticking to my shirt. Add my new chenille gloves (super soft but super prone to shedding), and I’m basically walking around the office covered in feathers and black fuzz. Tres charmant!

I recently read books by Sarah Silverman and Adam Carolla. Apparently, my reading choices are linked by six degrees of Jimmy Kimmel. Reading either of these books before bed was a bad idea—they made me laugh so much I was too keyed up to sleep. Plus, weird dreams.

Let’s be honest: you’re going to get some terrible presents. But maybe you’ll get a gem. Of the many Christmas gifts I’ve gotten over the years, one I still use weekly is a coffee mug from an old Milwaukee Fire Department co-worker. It’s pink, the capacity and handle feel are just right, and it gives no sign of being an Avon product other than the “Avon” stamped on the bottom. Best regift that woman ever made (I’m assuming).

Had a woman sit down next to me on the train the other day, pull out a bag of peanuts, and start eating. She must have noticed my dirty sidelong glances, but completely misinterpreted them, for she turned to me and said, “Isn’t it terrible when lunch is a handful of nuts at 4:30?” Now, you KNOW I’m devastated by the very idea that someone would miss a meal. But even I, me, your humble blogger right here, would never (NEVER) eat on a train. It’s against the rules, it disturbs other passengers, and the sanitary conditions are akin to a bathroom stall.

My mom survived recent wilderness survival training. After hearing her descriptions of it, I certainly wouldn’t make it past the first day. I’d always assumed wilderness training was like that episode of The Office when Michael wanders out into the woods and Dwight hides nearby to make sure he’s okay. Then my mom used phrases like “our water bottles were frozen solid” and “they gave us a bag for our poop.” If you and I are ever trapped in the wilderness, please kill me right away and use me as food and fuel.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: