December 1, 2011

December 1, 2011

White Elephant

Chances are, you’ll be asked to participate in at least one gift exchange this holiday season. Perhaps at the office, or church, or Al-Anon. There will be a price limit, maybe a theme. Also likely, a couple of a-holes who ruin it for everybody else.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Having been involved in more than a few gift exchanges myself, I’ve come to believe that certain types of people should be banned, or at least branded as people who don’t play by the white elephant* rules. Do you know any?

(I would here suggest that you watch my very favoritest episode of The Office ever ever ever.)

I’m talking about the person who puts a piece of junk in a plastic grocery bag and passes it off as a present. If I wanted some of your trash, I would ask a British journalist.

I’m talking about the person who contributes a dollar store item despite the exchange limit of $10 (or $20 or one million rupees or what have you). You know that sticker on the bottom that says “Distributed by Greenbrier International”? We know that means you bought it at Dollar Tree. There better be a $10-bill taped to that puppy.

I’m talking about the person who ignores/forgets the exchange theme (if applicable). Someone carefully planned a theme, whether it be “edible items,” “red items,” “musical items,” etc. People who play by the rules seek to stretch (but not break, NEVER TO BREAK) the rules of the theme. Then there’s the idiot who is going to regift a pair of socks NO MATTER WHAT.

As you can imagine, with my penchant for order and my fundamentalist-begotten regard for rules, I get irritated when people ignore the spirit of a gift exchange. This is not war, people. You’re not trying to “win.” You’re trying to maximize the fun for everybody.

Unless your boss puts in an iPod. In that case, it’s every mofo for themselves.

(Happy holidays!)

*Or, YAAAAAAAAAAANKEE SWAP.

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