January 17, 2012

January 17, 2012

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

Christmas 2011 is behind us, and Christmas 2012 isn’t set to start for another nine months or so. I put my decorations away last week, in fact. My tree-shaped Ikea ornament holder, my Hallmark stuffed Santa, and so on. I once again lamented the absence of a real-live tree, but I just don’t see how the logistics would work for an apartment dweller such as myself. And since my motto is always carry a fork real tree or no tree, ornament holder it is.

Then I read this snippet from the Arlington (VA) Animal Welfare League:

12/2/11 — 1400 block N. Kenilworth St. — A resident purchased a Christmas tree and when she brought it in the house, a wild animal, thought to be a squirrel came out of the tree. Animal control set a trap for the squirrel overnight, and the resident propped her front door open so the animal could exit. The animal did not go into the trap and is no longer in the home so it is believed it ran through the open door.

Holy &*$%.

That must have been some amazing foliage to hide a LIVE SQUIRREL. The trees I’ve purchased have been closer to the Charlie Brown Christmas tree end of the spectrum. The boughs could barely conceal the trunk, much less a small animal. I’m impressed.

I’m also horrified, because this poor woman had to deal with a (probably) rabid squirrel in her home. And when she called the professionals, the best they apparently could do was “We set a trap, just leave your door open.” Yeah, nothing bad will come of THAT plan.

Cue to: the next morning. The trap is empty. Strike one for the pros. (Related: what bait do you put in a squirrel trap? Is it peanut butter, like with mice? Acorn butter? The Geico gecko?) The squirrel can’t be located, so “it is believed” that it’s gone. Now, perhaps that woman is my kindred spirit and searched HIGH AND LOW for that li’l mofo, including the insides of all her coffee mugs. I mean, the squirrel obviously has the ability to remain still for some duration; that’s how it got in the house to begin with.

But since the story refers to a house, it would seem there are literally thousands of places the squirrel could be hiding. With the assortment of creatures that I assume waltzed in that night the front door was left open. Basically, this woman’s house is now hosting a reenactment of “Fantastic Mr. Fox.” Eurgh.

I have nothing against squirrels, since they seem to take pretty good care of themselves. (How many times have you seen a dead squirrel? Zero, amiright?) I just don’t want to share my fruitcake with them.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: