May 23, 2012

May 23, 2012

Dancing 9:00-3:30

Have you seen the iPhone commercial with Zooey Deschanel? This one?

The people I’ve discussed this ad with (and there have been a few), seem to fall into two camps: disgust and indifference. I’m in the former camp. As one might blithely say, “I am so, like, OVER Zooey.” I can tolerate her in tiny doses, but this much quirk in one single commercial makes me stabby.

Yes, I’m an avid “New Girl” watcher, but part of the brilliance of that show is its juxtaposition of Zooey’s ridiculously-twee lifestyle with, y’know, NORMAL people. (The lion’s share of the brilliance of “New Girl,” FYI, is Schmidt.)

But since I’ve never been one to complain in general when there’s the option to complain in detail, let me break it down for you.

“Is that rain?”

Well, Zooey, you could always just look out the effing window. Though your coy tone of voice sounds almost as if you’re challenging Siri to defy your genius conclusion that it’s raining outside.

“Let’s get tomato soup delivered.”

First of all, you said this while looking through your giant, rain-soaked windows. So we’ve now established that you’re either an idiot or blind. (Someone recently suggested that this ad becomes palatable if you pretend that Zooey is blind.)

Secondly, have you not heard of Campbell’s? It’s a well-known fact that every American household has at least one can of Campbell’s soup in the pantry at all times. Sure, the can may have expired in the late 1990s, but still. It’s there, waiting for the next Boy Scout food drive.

“I don’t wanna put on real shoes.”

Can we define “real shoes” here? You seem like more of a pedal pusher kind of girl. Maybe something vegan. Tom’s?

“Remind me to clean up. Tomorrow.”

It’s not the statement that annoys me here; we’ve all postponed cleaning. It’s the accompanying shot of a room containing a couch covered in books, a piano, a banjo, a drum and two ukuleles. As a musician myself, I know that instruments require a lot of care. Which I was always told included storing them in cases. Have Siri also remind you to hit up the Container Store.

“Today, we’re dancing.”

Oh for a life in which one can devote a day solely to impromptu dancing to the strains of “Shake, Rattle, and Roll” while avoiding the piles of books and musical instruments.

Maybe I’m just jealous. Zooey’s ad for cotton taught me that she spends significant time trying on clothes and shopping at record stores. Really, she has the schedule of a 1960s socialite transplanted to the modern day.

1 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke:

If I could be convinced that Apple and Deschanel are so self-aware that this whole add is tongue-in-cheek commentary on her meta-hipster-Twee-ness, I would love it with a burning passion. As I cannot be quite sure, and as the other Suri commercials don't have such potential readings (Samuel L Jackson is making risotto and not grilling burgers and asking for 10-year aged cheddar, for example) I try to ignore it.