August 15, 2012

August 15, 2012

Living Large

I apologize for being away so much lately. First, I was working on a submission to a local writing contest. (Not that I don’t enjoy writing solely for the amusement of others, of course. It’s just that this way, I could write for the amusement of others AND $1000.) Then, I went to Wisconsin for some quality time ingesting deep-fried goods at the State Fair. I know that went well because my stomach started cramping up after only three hours.

Anyway, as often happens, I noticed something weird recently. But as rarely happens, it turns out I was right and have corroborating evidence. Because my recent time in Wisconsin made me realize that it is full of fat people, or at least fuller than the DC area.

To be fair, I spent a lot of time at restaurants, movie theaters, and the State Fair—all places beloved of the stocky. But still. They were everywhere. Entire families of them, sometimes. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing; I’m just saying that you tend to forget that most of America is obese when you have to sprint for the train twice daily. Diet tip: The stress of hellacious traffic is quite slimming!

I mean, take the State Fair. As I quietly consumed my deep-fried bacon-wrapped tater tots on a stick (see above), I people-watched and hypocritically judged. I was really jealous every time I saw someone with the 80-ounce barrel of fries. A barrel! Of fries! THIS is what coopers should be doing these days! (Too obscure?) In a state that values dairy products as highly as Wisconsin does, body composition of the average person is 5% cheese at any given time. Don’t take my word for it; this is SCIENCE.

Man, I miss it already.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: