October 8, 2012

October 8, 2012

Burying the Lede

Though I’ve no idea how many times the average American flies, I guess I fly about three roundtrips a year, and I’m going to assume that’s above average. (Look, I wish I lived in a country of people with elan, but then a show about a child apparently named Honey Boo Boo becomes popular and I fear for our future). Anyway, I consider myself an experienced traveler, who was once able to get through security at Logan in under 5 minutes.

The problem with travel, frankly, is other people. It’s something irregular enough to so many that they’re out of practice. Or never got into practice in the first place. Thus they don’t believe until you tell them that they will need to remove their shoes, throw out their Big Gulps, etc. Yes, you—YOU—will need to follow the same rules as everyone else as posted in that giant sign over there, buddy! Strip and spread ‘em!

Whenever I find myself going through an airport security line, I’m reminded of one of my favorite movie scenes ever, from the film “Up in the Air”:


Yes. Yes. So much yes.

I try to keep up on the travel news, too. My favorite national newspaper, The USA Today, even has an entire online section devoted to travel news, which helps. They let me know when the industry comes up with crazy ideas, like this seat configuration in which the aisle seat SLIDES OVER the middle seat to quote-unquote ease boarding.



HAHAHAHAHA.

Remember when they tried to convince us that saddle-like airplane seats would be comfortable, cheaper, and allow for more passengers?



Has anyone ever seen one of these in real life? Anyone? Bueller?

Didn’t think so.

The thing is, until wormhole transport is perfected, airline travel is going to suck. Whether you’re in first class or in last (um, I mean, “economy”), it’s going to take longer and be more crowded than you’d like. Suck it up and deal, man.

All this to say that while today is my 29th birthday, it is also the day on which I depart for two-and-a-half weeks of work-related international travel. You won’t be hearing from me for awhile. And I’m going to some “interesting” places, so please send your karmic goodwill. I’ll bring you back some sand!*

* Actual sand. Not code for anything.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: