January 27, 2013

January 27, 2013

The Office Machine Whisperer

It struck me as I was loading paper in our office’s many printers recently how lucky I am to have started my illustrious career* as an admin. As any admin worth her salt will tell you, we are what is technically known as Office Machine Whisperers. We can unjam, restart, configure, and otherwise service any model of copier, printer, or fax machine manufactured in the past 20 years.

For some reason, the most brilliant minds of our offices, cubicles, and corporate environments seem to be completely befuddled by these machines. I have seen executives brought literally to their knees when asked to load legal into tray 2. It’s not rocket science, man.

(I have a secret dream to get a job at NASA so I could use the “It’s not rocket science, man” line on an actual male rocket scientist.)

(I need cooler secret dreams.)

For those of you who entered the workforce via other means, are your starter jobs proving just as useful? If you started in retail, does the shirt origami you learned at Old Navy come in handy now? For those who cooked and/or served in restaurants, can you still fry a potato to perfection? I’ve always been jealous of people who worked at shoe stores. No matter how many times I ask the clerks to “see if you have any size 8s in the back,” no dice. They just stare me down until I leave the store.

(Slight exaggeration. They will sometimes briefly pretend to consider going to the back before refusing.)

But don’t get me started on people who worked at their parents’ store/restaurant/insert-service-business-here. Down with nepotism!

(Unless your family business is the Monarchy, obviously.)

Feel free to spend the rest of the day reminiscing about a time when you were young and carefree, when your income was almost all disposable, and when gas prices started with a 1.

* “Illustrious” may be me humoring myself, true. I’m not saying I’m Maya from “Zero Dark Thirty.” I’m also not saying I’m not Maya from “Zero Dark Thirty” because dang.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: