February 20, 2013

February 20, 2013

Three Times Would've Been Uncouth

I’ve just come back from a long weekend in Milwaukee. Don’t be mad; I didn’t tell a soul. Well, I told my dad, since I needed him to pick me up at the airport, house me, and feed me. But he was under strict orders not to tell a soul. A soul. I wanted to keep it very low-key, so that nothing would prevent me from eating my body weight in Chinese food (which I did).

As is often the case when I spend time back in America’s Dairyland, I was reminded of how nice a place it is. (Cold, but nice.) People drive courteously. Cashiers make pleasant conversation. The TSA agent at Mitchell actually said, “Heather, have a great trip.” He used my NAME, you guys. He used my name.

So today I’m sitting n my Washington DC-based office and this headline pops up on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel’s Twitter account:

“Cookpot-swinging woman cited for disturbance at Oak Creek home twice in about an hour”

So. A number of things make this headline great.

1. I read it first as “Crockpot-swinging woman” and didn’t pause to question. I just accepted that any Wisconsin woman worth her salt owns at least one Crockpot that she could swing. (My mom owns four.)
2. The swinging was somehow disturbing enough to earn a citation. Was it noisy? Did she break things? Does it matter?
3.  Twice?!
4.  About an hour?!

I’m not going to read the details of this story because there’s no way they’re better than what’s in my head right now.

Good old Wisconsin.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: