March 18, 2013

March 18, 2013

The Opposite of Fresh Brewed

Try as I might, I may never understand the culture of the South. I grew up learning that the Civil War was about slavery, shoes were required when outside the house, and any group of mixed gender can be addressed as “you guys.” It’s not necessarily better or worse, just different.


However, now that I have strong connections to Virginia and Texas both, it’s important to get in the mindset of the genteel. States’ rights. Running errands while barefoot. Y’all. Look, the day a Wisconsin native successfully works “y’all” into conversation is pretty much a banner day. I’ve almost done it twice.

But then I learned about sun tea and it all went bollocks up.

Now, I figure some of you are thinking, “Sun what now?” and the rest are thinking, “What does she mean, LEARNED about sun tea?” Enlighten us all, O Benevolent Wikipedia:

Unsweetened iced tea is sometimes made by a particularly long steeping of tea leaves at lower temperature (one hour in the sun versus 5 minutes at 80-100° C). Some people call this "sun tea".

Now, I figure some of you are thinking, “That’s pretty much how my mom always made it” and the rest are thinking, “YOU LEAVE SOMETHING OUT IN THE SUN FOR AN HOUR AND THEN DRINK IT?!”

Guess which side I’m on?

It’s not so much the fermentation that weirds me out. Plenty of potent potables are left to, well, basically rot for days. Months. Years. It’s totally cool. Literally. It’s literally cool, because THAT’S HOW DRINKS SHOULD BE AGED. IN COOLNESS. LITERAL COOLNESS.


I’m told that sun tea is quite good. I’ll take your word for it because ew. This from a woman who’s on the (very) flexible side of the ten-second rule. Who drinks enough Diet Coke to fuel a small nuclear weapon. Who’s on the side of this guy.

Sun tea, though, is just a bridge too far. You’re on notice, Dixie. More magnolias and verandahs, less of this kind of stuff, okay?

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: