April 3, 2013

April 3, 2013

"Rounding Error"

“Vial of deadly virus missing at Texas bioterror laboratory”

The sort of headline that strikes fear into the heart of this USA TODAY reader. It’s a consequence of my reading habits—almost exclusively dystopian YA fiction. Today’s missing vial is tomorrow’s worldwide plague. It’s too bad, because the meteor I saw last Friday night had me convinced we were all going out with a bang. (Honestly, I was pretty spooked as that thing streaked across the sky. Calling it four seconds of sheer terror sounds trite, but that’s exactly what it was.) At least give me an alien invasion or something. Don’t germ me to death, bro.

Luckily for humanity, the article underneath that alarming headline was along the lines of, “It’s basically a rounding error.” Which sounds perfectly sensible unless you make a living out of leveraging rounding errors, as I do. In which case, OHDEARGODWHERESTHEPURELL?!

Friend-of-blog P does mysterious things in the health sciences field, and I’m constantly amazed that she, knowing the things she knows, is able to leave the house. From what I understand, that movie Contagion is pretty much happening at some point soonish. Stick THAT in your Hello Kitty face mask and smoke it.

(If I got a Hello Kitty face mask, would I wear it?)

(If I wore a Hello Kitty face mask, would it save me from sudden plague death?)

(Should I have asked the second question first?)

For once, I envy you who live in rural areas! As NBC’s “Revolution” taught us, it’s the cities that fall first; their infrastructure is just too unnatural. Flee to the hills, the plains, the cities with just the one Starbucks! If dystopian YA fiction is any guide (and I think it is), you’ll encounter  a community of hardy souls, at least one of which is a former doctor and at least one of which is naturally immune to whatever’s killing off humanity. It will be up to you to bring these two people together, help them develop a cure, and administer it to the rest of us. Preferably starting with the people in Hello Kitty face masks.

1 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke:

'Revolution' has convinced me I need to buy a crossbow to add to my arsenal.