June 17, 2013

June 17, 2013

Hold the Applause

AirTran and Southwest recent got their acts together enough so that AirTran flights can be booked via Southwest. What does this mean for me? It means two free checked bags each when I fly home for the State Fair in August. So I will be bringing back not only an entire new wardrobe sourced from the Goodwill stores of southeastern Wisconsin, but also as much Usinger’s kielbasa as I can stuff into a 26-inch rolling upright.

God bless America.

Speaking of meat products, Yankee Candle has this line of man scents. Heard of it? I think it includes grass, tires, and stuff like that. But while flipping through a catalog I noticed that one of the newest additions is BACON, and when I scratched-and-sniffed I almost CRIED it smelled so good. Like a smokehouse. (If you’re anything like me, the smokehouse is your favorite part of any historic site. Even centuries later, those things smell amazing.) Smoke, meat, fire, wood…all in a candle. Win.

As a child of Milwaukee, though, I still long for the days of Midwest Express. Two-wide leather seats. Full meals with real silverware. FRESH BAKED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES. Though I only few that original Midwest a handful of times before it became Frontier/Republic/AirTran/non-existent, I know it was about as close to first class as I’ll ever get. Le sigh.

(Possible exception: Korean Air, where the amazing staff make even the peons in coach feel  special. Another example of the truism that anything you can do, an Asian can do better.)

But one plus for every American airline I’ve ever flown: No PA announcements about soccer scores. This happened to me on a 1 a.m. Lufthansa flight out of Jordan. If you’re going to wake me up when I’m doing that barely-sleeping-because-I’m-upright thing on a plane, you damn well better have food, okay?

Oh, and also: Clapping when the plane lands. What is that? It’s happened on every international flight I’ve taken and none of the domestic ones. Is the entire rest of the world more polite than we are in this one very specific way? Pardon my American ignorance, but isn’t landing an essential part of the pilot’s job? I don’t mind thanking him, but applause seems a bit much. I don’t applaud my bus drivers, or the grocery cashier, or the mailman. Wait, should I?

Note to self: Research TSA’s policies re: whether one checked bag could contain a single very-large block of cheese.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: