August 25, 2013

August 25, 2013

Wisconsin State Fair 2013

Well, another year has come and gone, which means another visit to the State Fair has started with an empty stomach and ended with a few heart palpitations. In other words, it was a complete success.

Now that I’ve perfected my routine, I find that it falls into two major categories: displays and food. First, the displays. You’ve got your livestock, obviously. Wisconsin is a farming state (my little southeastern home corner notwithstanding), and our cows/sheep/pigs/etc. will knock your socks off.

Yes, that’s a sheep. Yes, it’s the size of a small horse.

You can look at the animals, pet them (be sure to wash your hands before AND after), and watch them being judged. Heck, if your pockets are deep enough, you can even buy them.

It’s not just animals that win ribbons at the fair, though. Vegetables, cheeses, and baked goods are among the many food products that people submit for judgment. My favorites are the cheeses and the decorative cakes.

If only I could pull a Harry Potter and make that glass disappear.

Frosting: Like oil paint, but tastier.

Various entertainment acts come and go. I’ve seen circuses and lumberjacks in years past. But I keep going back for the birds of prey.

Bald eagle. In yo face. Hide yo kids.

New this year, white tigers.


None of these, however, is where I start my day. I start in the exposition center, where hundreds of vendors hawk their wonder mops, their magic choppers, and the other products that will Save You Time and Money!

The key to avoiding assault by booth bunny: Do not make eye contact.

If you’re thinking all this is hunger- and thirst-inducing work, you’re right. Thankfully, the State Fair is quite possibly the greatest place on earth to satisfy your cravings. There is a waffle made of stuffing, topped with mashed potatoes.

You may now proceed to die happy. And/or of high cholesterol.

I tried to keep it modest this year, so I just had two flavored milks, a deep fried scotch egg on a stick, cream cheese on a stick, a chocolate-dipped cruller on a stick, and a deep fried Snickers on a stick.


Considered but passed on: deep fried mac and cheese on a stick, cookie dough on a stick, and that marvelous waffle mentioned earlier.

It’s good times, man. I dig. I dig so much that I endured twelve hours and three airlines to get there, NOT THAT I’M STILL BITTER ABOUT AIRTRAN CANCELING MY FLIGHT OR ANYTHING.

Until next year, Wisconsin State Fair. Stay classy.

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