February 26, 2014

February 26, 2014

First Bank of Back & Yard

A good summer vacation—nay, a good childhood—is at least 10% digging up stuff in your backyard. Maybe you had one or two special treasure spots. Mine were under the picnic table (so many worms!) and behind the tree in the corner of the yard where the chain link fence made a little hideout. I bet if I looked at that spot now, I would be shocked at how small it is. Or perhaps the tree is no longer there. Because I am old.

Anyway, though I found many a worm and the occasional interesting stone, not once did I find anything really cool. Like an arrowhead. Were arrowheads a thing where you grew up? Wisconsin is full of Indian names like Menomonee, Chippewa, and Potawatomi, so as a kid you feel there’s a good chance of finding an arrowhead wherever and whenever you look. (Never mind that you never actually end up finding one. Details, schmetails.) I’m not sure whether this is true in other parts of the country, or in other countries. If you dig in your backyard in Russia, do you find a Cossack? Idk.

I have nothing, though, on the people who found millions of dollars of gold coins in their backyard. First of all, that dog should now be set for life, because he is literally the founder of that feast. Also, if only those people from American Digger had been a little quicker, amiright? I’m disappointed, though, that “the first thing the family did after finding all the cans was rebury them in a cooler under their woodpile.” Really? This was the first thing? Should I ever find a trove of golden coins, I will first do this...

Doesn’t matter how few coins. I’ll make it work.

...then I will hit up the nearest seafood buffet, asking if they have change for a doubloon.

So even though it was a dog and not a kid that did the treasure hunting in this case, I feel like this is yet another example of why people with kids need to live in places with backyards.* Digging in public parks and playgrounds is frowned upon at best. OR SO I’VE HEARD, AHEM.

* Also, it leaves the city condos for us adults. A kid got off the elevator in my building yesterday and I was so surprised I almost slapped her.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: