February 19, 2014

February 19, 2014

The Cruelest Month

I’m in the midst of moving, and while I am the most organized person I know, I am a novice at relocation. I don’t know how transients, nomads, and the military handle relocating every few years. The physical exhaustion alone is almost unbearable; after moving eighteen million boxes one day last week, I had energy to do nothing more than drink two Diet Cokes over the course of three “Orange Is the New Black” episodes.

Honestly, we’re only now getting to the point where it feels like we’re living in a really bad hotel, where everything is still in boxes and none of the light switches do what you think they will. MADNESS.

(But did I mention that I now have a view of the Washington Monument from my sunroom? And that I have a sunroom?)

It's tiny but it's there. That's what she said.

We should have known this was going to be a rough month, though, what with imposingly-named winter storms (PAX! REX! DIABLO!) twice a week, Bob Costas’s pinkeye-that-would-not-quit, and this:

If you’re eating a Hot Pocket, your taste in meat won’t be discouraged by a frown from the USDA, okay? I say this as a person who has consumed more than her fair share of pastry-encased cheese and meat shards. If anything, you opt for Lean Pockets because they’re healthy. They come in a green box and everything. Healthy. HEALTHY.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened to a beloved frozen food, and it probably won’t be the last. I say stock up while the getting is good.

1 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke:

I call Hot Pockets "Pizza en Croute" so I don't feel so gross.