May 15, 2014

May 15, 2014

Rockabye Baby

Sometimes, things you’re ambivalent about end up being pretty cool. As this week’s space-themed trivia night made clear, I’m one of the least-informed people in my circles about NASA and space exploration in general…but I do enjoy many of the by-products of our attempts to colonize space, including Velcro, Tang, and George Clooney films.

Likewise, I am no fan of babies. No fan. Of babies. They’re messy, and I’m neat. They’re expensive, and I’m cheap. They’re typically not very smart, either; rarely can I hold a decent conversation with a baby about Syria or UKIP. I leave the continuity of the human race to the rest of you, while occasionally using a by-product of the immense category that is Stuff Needed By People With Babies. Like Rockabye Baby.

(But let me first say that SNBPWB has to be costing you PWB a shitload of cash. Now that it’s tourist season in DC, I see the occasional couple with child on the train. They are always accompanied by: a stroller, toys, a diaper bag, snacks, water bottles, hats, sunglasses, extra shoes, and [inexplicably] a wagon. Rarely—RARELY—is the actual kid sitting in either the stroller or the wagon. He’s generally running up and down the aisle, shrieking at the top of his lungs. Yet people continue to ask whether I’m going to have kids.)

ANYWAY. I’m sure the joys of parenting outweigh the costs, yada yada yada. One thing I wouldn’t mind spending a grubby buck or two of my own on? Something from Rockabye Baby. In a nutshell, they do lullaby versions of rock songs. Think lots of marimbas, chimes, and other easy listening percussion sort of stuff. Everybody from The Beatles to Blurred Lines:

It’s rock dressed up as classical, and the part of me that went to parochial schools appreciates that. Plus vibraphone Jay-Z is my new second-favorite Jay-Z (after elevator Jay-Z, obvi).

If you MUST reproduce, at least get that kid started on The Ramones and Bowie early on.

4 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke:

As a PWB, I have a LOT of Rockabye Baby stuff on my MP3 player. You're not kidding, stuff is expensive.

And I'll let you in on what the wagon is all about: it's to haul the carrier monkey's stuff around. Although I've never been one to just let my kids run around all willy-nilly. Who knows what diseases they'll give an unsuspecting stranger, and you don't wanna live with that kind of guilt.

Crap. Didn't realize this was using my work Google identity.


Whenever the kids sit on the floor of the train, I want to remind the parents that those floors, carpeted though they be, are chock full of contaminants. I guess it will boost their immune systems if nothing else.

If they're letting their kids run around like that, they deserve whatever those kids pick up.

Do you want diseases? Because that's how you get diseases.