June 9, 2014

June 9, 2014

Don't Forget the Presidential M&Ms

Ah, summer. Weekends at the beach*, brunches on the patio*, and sweating straight through all your clothing. Innit grand? Even if you have a job that keeps you office-bound, workin’ 9 to 5 (“What a way to make a livin’”), you may notice the presence of more daylight and interns.

Let’s talk about interns for a minute.

I was recently reading an article about internships, and it turns out I myself personally got a RAW DEAL in this regard. To wit:

“Sitting in a kitchen stocked with free food, a handful of 20-something Google summer interns weigh their favorite perks, but where to begin? With bikes, buses, massages, swimming pools, dance classes, nap pods, parties and access to their tech heroes, it's a very long list.”

My obvious reaction:

I interned in college for a few years, in order to get experience in my chosen job field. As a business administration major, I wanted to administer stuff. Business stuff. Which I did. It was good. You didn’t need to sex it up with freaking nap pods. I probably sound jealous, because I am. Did you read the words “free food”? Did you? DID YOU?

Perhaps it’s different in highly-competitive fields, like finance and law. You have to lure the kids in with treats to balance out the years of soul-sucking toil. Like how banks give kids lollipops in the bank drive-thru (or at least they used to) in the hopes they’ll one day not store their money in a coffee can under the bed. Not that that’s what I do or anything. Because it isn’t.


I am unaware of what’s done for the interns at Cabinet-Department-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, other than supporting and defending the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic. HOOAH. You know what I’d like to imagine, though?
  • Supreme Court interns get to try on the justices’ robes.
  • Pentagon interns get to ride the rings on Segways.
  • Nuclear Regulatory Commission interns get to turn the reactors off-and-then-on-again-really-fast.
  • Fish and Wildlife interns get to declare one animal “endangered.”
  • Smithsonian interns get to keep one thing from the collection, provided it is not currently on display and is no larger than a breadbox.
  • Bureau of Engraving and Printing interns get to insert their own faces on one single bill that then becomes legal tender.
  • NASA interns get all the astronaut ice cream they can eat.
So many possibilities!

* So I’m told. I don’t do outdoors.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: