June 13, 2014

June 13, 2014

New Event: Hotcar Inferno

[Self-serving announcement: I'm getting married on Tuesday. In lieu of presents, cross your fingers that no blood is shed. Why did I schedule lunch for AFTERWARDS?]

“Boston, Los Angeles, San Francisco and Washington are the cities still in the running for a possible U.S. bid to host the 2024 Summer Olympics.”

Hoo boy.

The Olympics are one of those few times when all of humanity 1) comes together to 2) celebrate achievement. Let’s not ruin that with a broken mass transit system. Because if you thought Sochi was bad, anything involving the Washington Metropolitan Area Transit Authority (WMATA) is going to impress you. Our trains start on FIRE!

Having been to the three other cities on the list, I can attest that they have fine bus and train networks. And who doesn’t want to see track and field events on the Golden Gate Bridge or soccer football soccer on the Boston Common? One if by land, two if by sea? HELLO BIATHLON.

(I have no idea what the actual biathlon events are. Is the biathlon even a thing?)

(Speaking of world sport, I’m trying to keep a cursory eye on the World Cup for trivia purposes, but…yikes. I feel like you’re either in or you’re out with soccer, and I’m out. Let me know who wins, okay?)

Has anyone considered having the Olympics hosted by a country rather than a city? The logistics aren’t workable now, but once they figure out how to use wormholes, I think we’re golden. I’d put track and field in Kansas (flat), swimming in the Gulf of Mexico, and cycling on route 66 (whoever makes it farthest wins).

Until scientists get that all sorted, though, I guess we’re stuck with a city at a time. And if I have to pick one of those four, I’d go with Boston. Since it’s in my time zone, there’s a good chance I’d get to see many events live. Everything on the West Coast wraps up at like 1 a.m. Eastern (I’m looking at you, Academy Awards), and I prefer to be in bed with a book* and a sherry** no later than 8:30.

* Kindle
** Not really, but this sounded classy.

1 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke:

The Winter Olympics game app I downloaded led me to believe that the biathlon involves cross-country skiing and rifle shooting.

Or, as we know it, gang violence in the winter.