May 9, 2016

May 9, 2016

No Lunch Left Behind

Recent Hamilton/Tubman/Jackson news aside, the images on American currency can be somewhat of a mystery. Play pub trivia for a while and you’re sure to be asked who’s on the front of the $1000 bill, what’s on the back of the twenty, or the word that appears in addition to the phrase “In God We Trust” on the obverse of coins.*

For something most of us handle every day, money is hard. I get it. Plus Americans are Americans. I get it. But I read something like this story and my fists of fury pop right out:


Last things first: The saddest sentence I have ever read is “The child missed lunch that day.” I don’t know this kid—heck, I don’t even like kids—but I am a firm apologist for NO LUNCH LEFT BEHIND.

Even if you’ve never owned one, you know that the $2 bill exists, right? Also, we’re talking about something that costs no more than $2—how about someone floats that kid a lunch while things are being sorted out? Teacher? Lunch monitor? Cop? Bueller? Anyone?

Let’s imagine the reaction the banker had, which must have included a brief moment of suspicion that this was some kind of prank.

“Nobody was charged.” Yeah, no kidding. Sigh.

Lunch ladies of America, we can do better.

And by “ladies,” I mean “people of any gender.”

And by “we” I mean “you.”

* I really only get to use the word “obverse” in this circumstance, so you bet your bottom dollar (ha) that I’m going to use it.

0 Fish in a Sea of Diet Coke: